CYBER BULLYING-- IT IS UP TO US TO STOP IT!!!
Although I'm not an SRO, I have given a few talks about cyber bullying to students and teachers of primary and middle schools and thought I would share some information with you should the need arise at your station to make a presentation to a class, scout/girlguide troop/ or at a PTA meeting , and some preventative measures and actions that may be taken to stop this form of on line abuse, which is now covered under some Provincial statutes and in the Criminal Code of Canada. With the use of hand held devices becoming more commonplace in schools, and class rooms across the country this is a very real issue that a lot of students and parents do not want to/ or will not address. In the most severe cases of cyber bullying and stalking some suicides have been blamed on this relatively new phenomonen in the high tech world. School bullies have been around for ages, this is just one of the new tools available to them
Let's start with some facts on this matter:
Nearly 35% of kids have been threatened online and almost one in five have had it happen more than once.
Among this percentage, being ignored and disrespected were the most common forms of cyber bullying.
Nine out of ten middle school students have had their feelings hurt online.
About 75% have visited a Web site bashing another student.
Four out of ten middle school students have had their password(s) stolen and changed by a bully who then locked them out of their own account or sent communications posing as them.
About 21% of kids have received mean or threatening e-mails.
The psychological and emotional outcomes of cyber-bullying are similar to real-life bullying outcomes, except for the reality that with cyber bullying there is often no escape. School ends at 3 p.m., while the Internet is available all the time.
The primary cyber-bullying location where victimizing occurs, at 56%, is in chat rooms.
Girls are about twice as likely as boys to be victims and perpetrators of cyber-bullying.
About 58% of kids admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online. More than four out of ten say it has happened more than once.
Cyber-bullying has increased in recent years. In a national survey of 10-17 year olds, twice as many children indicated they had been victims and perpetrators of online harassment in 2005 compared with 2000.
How common is cyberbullying?
Research shows that almost one in four children between the ages of 11 and 19 have been the victim of cyberbullying. The same research shows that approximately 65 percent of kids know of someone who has been cyberbullied.
The statistics are frightening:
18% of students in grades 6-8 said they had been cyberbullied at least once in the last couple of months; and 6% said it had happened to them 2 or more times (Kowalski et al., 2005);
11% of students in grades 6-8 said they had cyberbullied another person at least once in the last couple of months and 2% said they had done it two or more times (Kowalski et al., 2005);
19% of regular Internet users between the ages of 10 and 17 reported being involved in online aggression; 15% had been aggressors, and 7% had been targets; 3% were both aggressors and targets (Ybarra & Mitchell, 2004);
17% of 6-11 year olds and 36% of 12-17 year olds reported that someone said threatening or embarrassing things about them in e-mails, instant messages, web sites, chat rooms or text messages (Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006);
Cyberbullying has increased dramatically in recent years. In nationally representative surveys of 10-17 year-olds, twice as many children and youth indicated they had been victims and perpetrators of online harassment in 2005 than in1999/2000 (Wolak, Mitchell, & Finkelhor, 2006).
Who are the victims and perpetrators of cyberbullying – boys or girls?
Research suggests girls are about twice as likely as boys to be victims or perpetrators of cyberbullying.
Of students who had been cyberbullied relatively frequently—at least twice in the months preceding the study—the same research shows that:
62% of students said that they had been cyberbullied by another student at school and 46% had been cyberbullied by a friend;
55% didn't know who had cyberbullied them.
Of those students who admitted cyberbullying others relatively frequently:
60% had cyberbullied another student at school and 56% had cyberbullied a friend.
(Kowalski et al., 2005 grades 6-8)
Where are children and youth cyber bullied?
A telephone survey of preteens (6-11 year-olds) and teens (12-17 year-olds) revealed that:
45% of preteens and 30% of teens who’d been cyberbullied received the menacing messages while at school;
44% of preteens and 70% of teens who’d been cyberbullied received the menacing messages at home;
34% of preteens and 25% of teens who’d been cyberbullied received the menacing messages while at a friend's house.
(Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006)
Do children tell others if they are cyberbullied?
The same survey found that:
51% of preteens and 35% of teens who’d been cyberbullied told their parents;
27% of preteens and only 9% of teens who’d been cyberbullied told a teacher;
44% of preteens and 72% of teens who’d been cyberbullied told a friend;
31% of preteens and 35% of teens who’d been cyberbullied told a brother or sister;
16% of preteens and teens who’d been cyberbullied told no one.
(Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006)
What can adults do about cyberbullying?
Education, awareness and communication are essential. Parents and teachers need to understand the problem and the technology involved and maintain an open line of communication with children. Parents have to actively engage their children in dialog about bullying and make them feel comfortable about discussing it.
It all starts with paying close attention to children’s use of the Internet and cell phones without making them feel embarrassed or overtly supervised.
Suggestions for parents
Keep your home computer in plain view — in the family room or kitchen, for example.
Talk regularly with your children about their online activities.
Talk specifically about cyberbullying and encourage your children to tell you immediately when they are victims of illegal or troublesome behavior.
Encourage your children to tell you if they are aware of others who may be the victims of such behavior.
Explain that cyberbullying is harmful, unacceptable behavior. Outline your expectations for responsible online behavior and make it clear there will be consequences for inappropriate behavior.
Adults must respect the privacy of children and youth, but safety concerns will at times have to override privacy issues. Tell your children you may review their online communications when you think it is necessary to do so.
Consider installing parental control software and tracking programs, but don’t rely solely on these tools.
What if your child has been a victim?
There are many forms of cyberbullying—rude comments, mockery, taunts, threats. Your response may vary according to the nature and severity of the cyberbullying. Here are some actions you may want to take:
Strongly encourage your child not to respond to the cyberbullying.
Save the messages and pictures as evidence.
Try to identify the cyberbully. Even if the bully is using a fake name or someone else’s identity, there may be a way to track your child’s tormentor through your Internet service provider. If the bullying is criminal, or if you suspect it may be, contact the police and ask them to do the tracking.
The use of inappropriate language may violate the terms and conditions of contracts with cell phone companies, e-mail services, Internet service providers or websites. Consider contacting these companies and filing a complaint.
If the cyberbullying is done via e-mail or cell phone from a particular account, it may be possible to block future messages from that account. The bully may assume a different identity, however, and continue the bullying using a different account.
Contact your school if the cyberbullying is occurring through your school district’s Internet system. School administrators have an obligation to intervene in such cases, even if the bullying is occurring off school grounds. Make your school administrators aware of the problem. They may be able to help resolve the problem and watch out for face-to-face bullying.
Consider contacting the cyberbully’s parents, as they may be upset by their child’s behavior and put a stop to it. Proceed cautiously, however, as they may react badly. If you decide to contact a cyberbully’s parents, communicate with them in writing—not face-to-face. Present proof of the bullying, such as copies of an e-mail message and ask them to ensure the bullying stops.
Consider contacting an attorney in cases of severe cyberbullying. In some circumstances, civil law permits victims to sue bullies and their parents in order to recover damages.
Contact the police if cyberbullying involves acts such as:
o Threats of violence
o Extortion
o Obscene or harassing phone calls or text messages
o Harassment, stalking, or hate crimes
o Child pornography
If you are uncertain if the cyberbullying is criminal, contact the police for guidance.
What can educators to help their students fight Cyberbullying?
Educators can play a vital role in fighting this growing social menace. Children spend a great deal of time at school and teachers see them interacting with other children in ways parents cannot, providing a unique perspective on a child’s social life. Here are a few tips for teachers to proactively help protect students against cyberbullies:
Educate students and other school staff about cyberbullying, its dangers and what to do if someone is bullied.
Be sure that your school’s anti-bullying rules and policies address cyberbullying.
Closely monitor students’ use of computers at school.
Use filtering and tracking software on all computers, but don’t rely solely on this software to screen cyberbullying and other problematic online behavior.
Investigate reports of cyberbullying immediately. If cyberbullying occurs through the school district’s Internet system, you are obligated to take action.
If the cyberbullying occurs off school grounds, consider these steps to help address the problem:
o Notify the parents of victims and aggressors of confirmed and suspected incidents of bullying.
o Notify the police if the known or suspected cyberbullying involves a threat.
o Closely monitor the behavior at school of the affected students for signs of potential bullying.
o Speak to students about the harm caused by cyberbullying. Remember: Cyberbullying that occurs away from school can affect how students behave and relate to each other at school.
o Investigate to see if the victim(s) of cyberbullying could use support from a school counselor or school-based mental health professional.
When should a school contact, or assist a parent in contacting, law enforcement officials?
According to Dr. Kimberly Mason, Ph.D., NCC Cleveland State University, extremely harmful online speech can violate criminal laws. The following behaviors can lead to arrest and prosecution:
Threats of violence to people or their property.
Coercion—trying to force someone to do something he or she doesn’t want to do.
Obscene or harassing telephone calls, text messages or e-mails.
Harassment or stalking. Hate or bias crimes.
Sexually explicit images of teens (child pornography).
Sexual exploitation.
Taking a photo of someone in a place where privacy is expected, such as a locker room.
Are there educational programs that can be introduced in our schools?
The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program is a comprehensive, school-wide program designed for use in elementary, middle or junior high schools. The program has been found to reduce bullying among children, improve the social climate of classrooms and reduce related antisocial behaviors, such as vandalism and truancy. The Olweus Program has been employed in more than a dozen countries around the world.
How to Stop Bullying and Harassment
Skills for Protecting Children, Teens, and Adults
Addressing Cyber Bullying:
Educate Yourself
Cyberbullying.org is an outstanding website full of information for both youth and adults, including help for the technologically challenged.
Discuss the Issue
Ask children and youth what they already know about cyber-bullying. You might be amazed at how much they can tell you. Ask if this has ever happened to them or anyone they know. Make sure that the young people in your life know that:
Cyber-bullying means using computers, cell phones, and other technology to hurt, scare, or embarrass other people. Cyber-bullying gets people in serious trouble at school and also with the law. In a growing number of places, certain forms of cyber-bullying are illegal.
Being mean is being mean, no matter how you do it. Don’t ask if it’s funny. Ask if it will make someone unhappy.
Even if you think someone was mean to you, being mean back is not a safe way to handle the problem. Instead, get help from an adult you trust.
Have the courage to speak up if you notice anyone cyber-bullying. Say that this is wrong and that you are not going to keep it a secret.
Never post anything on the Internet or send something electronically that you don’t want the world to see.
If you get an upsetting message or see something that is attacking you: Do not reply. Do not delete. Save the message, print it if you can and get help from an adult you trust. If one adult does not help you, keep asking until you get the help you need.
Be Clear About the Rules
The use of computers for anything except schoolwork is a privilege. The use of cell phones for anything except for emergencies and communication with parents is also a privilege. These privileges will be lost if they are used for unsafe or hurtful purposes. You expect your children to stay in charge of what they say and do, to tell you about problems, and to get your agreement in advance about any changes.
Be Involved
Spend time with young people so that you know what they are doing.
Be Careful
Unless this is within a secure system of people who know each other, such as a school, do not allow your children to post personal information or photos in an on-line friend’s community or chat group.
Give consequences
If your child cyber-bullies, have the child apologize and make amends. Give an appropriate related consequence, depending on what happened.
Provide Help
If your child is hurt by cyber-bullying, give the child emotional support by saying, “I am so sorry this is happening to you and so proud of you for having the courage to tell me. This is not your fault and we are going to do what we can to make it stop.” Ask for help from school authorities, your Internet provider or cell phone company, and, if necessary, the police.
Practice
Use ideas from the Speaking Up section in this chapter to define what cyber-bullying might look like, how to speak up, what a negative reaction might be, and what an effective response could be. Let children make up their own story to use for the practice. Switch roles with them.
For example, a friend might say, “I can’t stand Roger. Look, I got a photo of him going to the bathroom on the field trip. Let’s see how many people we can send this to.”
One way to speak up could be: “That’s cyber-bullying. It’s wrong.”
A common negative reaction to this boundary is, “But you have to admit that it would be funny.”
An effective response might be, “Even though Roger is not my favorite person, I don’t think it is funny to embarrass people. Besides, it is illegal.”
Face Bullying With Confidence
Skills Kids Can Use Right Away
By Irene van der Zande, Kidpower Executive Director
Bullying prevention skills are best learned through hands-on practice. The Kidpower approach is to use People Safety skills to help our students rehearse how to handle different problems such as bullying. The key is to coach students in a positive step-by-step fashion rather than making this a test. Here are some practices you can work on with the young people in your life.
1. Walking with Awareness, Calm, and Confidence
People are less likely to be picked on if they walk and sit with awareness, calm and confidence. Awareness, calm and confidence means keeping one's head up, back straight, taking assertive steps, looking around, having a peaceful face and body, and moving away from people who might cause trouble.
Show your child the difference between being passive, aggressive and assertive in body language, tone of voice and choice of words. Have your child walk across the floor, coaching her or him to be successful, by saying for example; "That's great!" "Now take bigger steps", "Look around you" "Straighten your back." etc.
2. Leaving in a Powerful, Positive Way
The best self-defense tactic is called "target denial," which means "don't be there." Act out a scenario where maybe your child is walking in the school corridor (or any other place where he or she might bullied). You can pretend to be a bully standing by the wall saying mean things. Ask your child what these mean things might be because what is considered insulting or upsetting is different for different people, times, and places.
Coach your child to veer around the bully in order to move out of reach. Remind your child to leave with awareness, calm and confidence, glancing back to see where the bully is. Let your child practicing saying something neutral in a normal tone of voice like "See you later!" or "Have a nice day!" while calmly and confidently moving away. Point out that stepping out of line or changing seats is often the safest choice.
3. Setting a Boundary
If a bully is following or threatening your child in a situation where she or he cannot just leave, your child needs to be able to set a clear boundary.
Pretend to poke your child in the back (do this very gently; the idea is not to be hurtful). Coach your child to turn, stand up tall, put his or her hands up in front of the body like a fence, palms out and open, and say "Stop!".
Coach your child to have a calm but clear voice and polite firm words- not whiney and not aggressive. Show how to do it and praise your child for trying -even though she or he does not get it right to begin with. Realize that this might be very hard and triggering for your child (and maybe for you too).
Children need support to learn these skills. The idea is that your child takes charge of his or her space by moving away and, if need be, setting boundaries as soon as a problem is about to start - so that your child doesn't wait until the bullying is already happening.
4. Using Your Voice
If your child does get into a situation where somebody is trying to push or hit or knuckle her or his head, you could practice by holding your child gently and acting as if you are going to do the action gently. Coach your child to pull away and yell NO! really loudly. Coach him or her to say "STOP! I don't like that!" Coach your child to look the bully in the eyes and speak in a firm voice with both hands up and in front like a fence. Teach your child to leave and go to an adult for help.
5. Protecting Your Feelings From Name-Calling
Schools, youth groups, and families should create harassment-free zones just as workplaces should. However, you can teach children how to protect themselves from insults. Tell your child that saying something mean back makes the problem bigger, not better.
One way to take the power out of hurting words by is saying them out loud and imagining throwing them away. Doing this physically and out loud at home will help a child to do this in his or her imagination at school.
Help your child practice throwing the mean things that other people are saying into a trash can. Have your child then say something positive out loud to himself or herself to take in. For example, if someone says, "I don't like you, " you can throw those words away and say, "I like myself." If someone says, "You are stupid" you can throw those words away and say, "I'm smart." If someone says, "I don't want to play with you" then you can throw those words away and say, "I will find another friend."
6. Speaking Up for Inclusion
Being left out is a major form of bullying. Exclusion should be clearly against the rules at school. A child can practice persisting in asking to join a game.
Pretend to be a bully who wants to exclude.
Have your child walk up and say, "I want to play." Coach your child to sound and look positive and friendly, not whiny or aggressive.
Ask your child the reasons that kids give for excluding him or her. Use those reasons so your child can practice persisting. For example, if the reason is, "You're not good enough," your child can practice saying "I'll get better if I practice!" If the reason is, "There are too many already," your child might practice saying, "There's always room for one more." If the reason is, "You cheated last time," your child might practice saying, "I did not understand the rules. Let's make sure we agree on the rules this time."
7. Being Persistent in Getting Help
Children who are being bullied need to be able to tell teachers, parents, and other adults in charge what is happening in the moment clearly and calmly and persistently even if these adults are very distracted or rude - and even if asking for help has not worked before. Learning how to have polite firm words, body language and tone of voice even under pressure and to not give up when asking for help is a life-long skill.
We have found that practice is helpful for both children and adults in learning how to persist and get help when you need it. Here is one you can do with your child.
Pretend to be a teacher or someone else who your child might expect help and support from. Tell your child who you are pretending to be and where you might be at school. Have your child start saying in a clear calm voice, "Excuse me I have a safety problem."
You pretend to be busy and just ignore your child! Coach him or her to keep going and say: "Excuse me, I really need your help."
Act irritated and impatient and say, "Yes. what is it now?" and keep being busy.
Coach your child to say something specific like, "The girls over there are calling me names and not letting me play with them. I have told them I don't like being called names and that I want to play but they won't listen. " or "Those boys keep coming up and pushing me. I have tried to stay away from them but they keep coming up to me and won't leave me alone." At school, teachers want children to try to solve their problems first. However, adult intervention is needed if this does not work.
You say: "That's nice!" as if you heard but did not actually listen. This is very common for busy adults.
Coach your child to touch your arm and keep going "Please, to listen to me this is important". Now you get irritated and say "Can't you see I’m busy!?"
Tell your child that sometimes adults get angry and don’t understand but not to give up in asking for help and to say the specific problem again: "I do not feel safe here because (state specific problem again) ______________."
You minimize and say: "What's the big deal? Just stay away from them."
Coach your child to persistent and say again, "Having this happen is making me feel bad about going to school. Please, I really need you to listen."
Now change your demeanor so that your child can see you are listening and understanding and say "Oh! I am sorry I yelled at you and I am glad you are telling me. Tell me more and we will figure out what to do."
Remind your child that, if the adult still does not listen, it is not his or her fault, but to keep asking until someone does something to fix the problem. Tell your child to please always tell you whenever she or he has a problem with anyone anywhere anytime. Ultimately, it is the responsibility of adults to create safe environments for the children in their lives and to be good role-models for our children by acting as their advocates in powerful respectful ways.
8. Using Physical Self-Defense as a Last Resort
Children need to know when they have the right to hurt someone to stop that person from hurting them. At Kidpower, we teach that fighting is a last resort - when you are about to be harmed and you cannot leave or get help.
However, bullying problems are often not as clear-cut as other personal safety issues. Families have different rules about where they draw the line. Schools will often punish a child who fights back unless parents warn the school in writing ahead of time that, since the school has not protected their children, they will back their children up if they have to fight.
Learning physical self defense helps most children become more confident, even if they never have to use these skills in a real-life situation. Just being more confident helps children to avoid being chosen as a victim most of the time. There are different self defense techniques for bullying than for more dangerous situations -- let your child practice a self defense move like kicking someone in the shins, pinching someone's leg or upper arm, or hitting someone in the chest. You can practice in the air or by holding a sofa cushion. Consider sending your child to a class!!!
Bullying and harassment can make life miserable no matter how old or young you are. When another person deliberately and repeatedly tries to be hurtful or to cross boundaries, children, teens, and adults everywhere often feel frustrated and hopeless about the problem.
As police officers we have a vast network of resources to draw upon when faced with the situation of cyber bullying. Besides contacting other officers and SRO's in our networks we have a vast on line resouce pool to dip into. I'll list a few of them here for your use, these can also be helpful when you are faced with making a presentation sheet or pamphlet for hand out to a class, group, or to concerned parents at meetings or if a parent approaches you with this subject either in your office or out in the firld. I make it a point now to carry a couple of copies in my " go bag", you never know when the need may arise and with today's attitudes in the department as to pro-active policing they are a great addition. As many of us on the job know not all Officers are created equal and some are " retired on the job" take the opportunity to give a couple of copies to our colleagues, a bit of motivation never hurts and who knows..maybe they'll get excited enough to get back into the ' swing of things' instead of just waiting to get vested for pension..!!
Websites of note:
www.kidpower.org
www.cyberbullying.ca
www.micheleborba.com/Pages/ArtNLM10.htm
www.incredibleinternet.com/user_files/cyberbullying_full.pdf
www.cyberbullying.us
www.safe.met.police.uk/bullying/get_the_facts.html
www.bgky.org › Departments > › Police
www.ctf-fce.ca/Documents/Priorities/EN/cyberbullying/CyberFacebook.pdf
www.bullying.org/external/documents/ACF6F8.pdf
www.wvcybersafety.com/page/Cyberbullying
www.kcsarc.org/nForProfessionals/CyberBullyingFacts.pdf
Let's start with some facts on this matter:
Nearly 35% of kids have been threatened online and almost one in five have had it happen more than once.
Among this percentage, being ignored and disrespected were the most common forms of cyber bullying.
Nine out of ten middle school students have had their feelings hurt online.
About 75% have visited a Web site bashing another student.
Four out of ten middle school students have had their password(s) stolen and changed by a bully who then locked them out of their own account or sent communications posing as them.
About 21% of kids have received mean or threatening e-mails.
The psychological and emotional outcomes of cyber-bullying are similar to real-life bullying outcomes, except for the reality that with cyber bullying there is often no escape. School ends at 3 p.m., while the Internet is available all the time.
The primary cyber-bullying location where victimizing occurs, at 56%, is in chat rooms.
Girls are about twice as likely as boys to be victims and perpetrators of cyber-bullying.
About 58% of kids admit someone has said mean or hurtful things to them online. More than four out of ten say it has happened more than once.
Cyber-bullying has increased in recent years. In a national survey of 10-17 year olds, twice as many children indicated they had been victims and perpetrators of online harassment in 2005 compared with 2000.
How common is cyberbullying?
Research shows that almost one in four children between the ages of 11 and 19 have been the victim of cyberbullying. The same research shows that approximately 65 percent of kids know of someone who has been cyberbullied.
The statistics are frightening:
18% of students in grades 6-8 said they had been cyberbullied at least once in the last couple of months; and 6% said it had happened to them 2 or more times (Kowalski et al., 2005);
11% of students in grades 6-8 said they had cyberbullied another person at least once in the last couple of months and 2% said they had done it two or more times (Kowalski et al., 2005);
19% of regular Internet users between the ages of 10 and 17 reported being involved in online aggression; 15% had been aggressors, and 7% had been targets; 3% were both aggressors and targets (Ybarra & Mitchell, 2004);
17% of 6-11 year olds and 36% of 12-17 year olds reported that someone said threatening or embarrassing things about them in e-mails, instant messages, web sites, chat rooms or text messages (Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006);
Cyberbullying has increased dramatically in recent years. In nationally representative surveys of 10-17 year-olds, twice as many children and youth indicated they had been victims and perpetrators of online harassment in 2005 than in1999/2000 (Wolak, Mitchell, & Finkelhor, 2006).
Who are the victims and perpetrators of cyberbullying – boys or girls?
Research suggests girls are about twice as likely as boys to be victims or perpetrators of cyberbullying.
Of students who had been cyberbullied relatively frequently—at least twice in the months preceding the study—the same research shows that:
62% of students said that they had been cyberbullied by another student at school and 46% had been cyberbullied by a friend;
55% didn't know who had cyberbullied them.
Of those students who admitted cyberbullying others relatively frequently:
60% had cyberbullied another student at school and 56% had cyberbullied a friend.
(Kowalski et al., 2005 grades 6-8)
Where are children and youth cyber bullied?
A telephone survey of preteens (6-11 year-olds) and teens (12-17 year-olds) revealed that:
45% of preteens and 30% of teens who’d been cyberbullied received the menacing messages while at school;
44% of preteens and 70% of teens who’d been cyberbullied received the menacing messages at home;
34% of preteens and 25% of teens who’d been cyberbullied received the menacing messages while at a friend's house.
(Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006)
Do children tell others if they are cyberbullied?
The same survey found that:
51% of preteens and 35% of teens who’d been cyberbullied told their parents;
27% of preteens and only 9% of teens who’d been cyberbullied told a teacher;
44% of preteens and 72% of teens who’d been cyberbullied told a friend;
31% of preteens and 35% of teens who’d been cyberbullied told a brother or sister;
16% of preteens and teens who’d been cyberbullied told no one.
(Fight Crime: Invest in Kids, 2006)
What can adults do about cyberbullying?
Education, awareness and communication are essential. Parents and teachers need to understand the problem and the technology involved and maintain an open line of communication with children. Parents have to actively engage their children in dialog about bullying and make them feel comfortable about discussing it.
It all starts with paying close attention to children’s use of the Internet and cell phones without making them feel embarrassed or overtly supervised.
Suggestions for parents
Keep your home computer in plain view — in the family room or kitchen, for example.
Talk regularly with your children about their online activities.
Talk specifically about cyberbullying and encourage your children to tell you immediately when they are victims of illegal or troublesome behavior.
Encourage your children to tell you if they are aware of others who may be the victims of such behavior.
Explain that cyberbullying is harmful, unacceptable behavior. Outline your expectations for responsible online behavior and make it clear there will be consequences for inappropriate behavior.
Adults must respect the privacy of children and youth, but safety concerns will at times have to override privacy issues. Tell your children you may review their online communications when you think it is necessary to do so.
Consider installing parental control software and tracking programs, but don’t rely solely on these tools.
What if your child has been a victim?
There are many forms of cyberbullying—rude comments, mockery, taunts, threats. Your response may vary according to the nature and severity of the cyberbullying. Here are some actions you may want to take:
Strongly encourage your child not to respond to the cyberbullying.
Save the messages and pictures as evidence.
Try to identify the cyberbully. Even if the bully is using a fake name or someone else’s identity, there may be a way to track your child’s tormentor through your Internet service provider. If the bullying is criminal, or if you suspect it may be, contact the police and ask them to do the tracking.
The use of inappropriate language may violate the terms and conditions of contracts with cell phone companies, e-mail services, Internet service providers or websites. Consider contacting these companies and filing a complaint.
If the cyberbullying is done via e-mail or cell phone from a particular account, it may be possible to block future messages from that account. The bully may assume a different identity, however, and continue the bullying using a different account.
Contact your school if the cyberbullying is occurring through your school district’s Internet system. School administrators have an obligation to intervene in such cases, even if the bullying is occurring off school grounds. Make your school administrators aware of the problem. They may be able to help resolve the problem and watch out for face-to-face bullying.
Consider contacting the cyberbully’s parents, as they may be upset by their child’s behavior and put a stop to it. Proceed cautiously, however, as they may react badly. If you decide to contact a cyberbully’s parents, communicate with them in writing—not face-to-face. Present proof of the bullying, such as copies of an e-mail message and ask them to ensure the bullying stops.
Consider contacting an attorney in cases of severe cyberbullying. In some circumstances, civil law permits victims to sue bullies and their parents in order to recover damages.
Contact the police if cyberbullying involves acts such as:
o Threats of violence
o Extortion
o Obscene or harassing phone calls or text messages
o Harassment, stalking, or hate crimes
o Child pornography
If you are uncertain if the cyberbullying is criminal, contact the police for guidance.
What can educators to help their students fight Cyberbullying?
Educators can play a vital role in fighting this growing social menace. Children spend a great deal of time at school and teachers see them interacting with other children in ways parents cannot, providing a unique perspective on a child’s social life. Here are a few tips for teachers to proactively help protect students against cyberbullies:
Educate students and other school staff about cyberbullying, its dangers and what to do if someone is bullied.
Be sure that your school’s anti-bullying rules and policies address cyberbullying.
Closely monitor students’ use of computers at school.
Use filtering and tracking software on all computers, but don’t rely solely on this software to screen cyberbullying and other problematic online behavior.
Investigate reports of cyberbullying immediately. If cyberbullying occurs through the school district’s Internet system, you are obligated to take action.
If the cyberbullying occurs off school grounds, consider these steps to help address the problem:
o Notify the parents of victims and aggressors of confirmed and suspected incidents of bullying.
o Notify the police if the known or suspected cyberbullying involves a threat.
o Closely monitor the behavior at school of the affected students for signs of potential bullying.
o Speak to students about the harm caused by cyberbullying. Remember: Cyberbullying that occurs away from school can affect how students behave and relate to each other at school.
o Investigate to see if the victim(s) of cyberbullying could use support from a school counselor or school-based mental health professional.
When should a school contact, or assist a parent in contacting, law enforcement officials?
According to Dr. Kimberly Mason, Ph.D., NCC Cleveland State University, extremely harmful online speech can violate criminal laws. The following behaviors can lead to arrest and prosecution:
Threats of violence to people or their property.
Coercion—trying to force someone to do something he or she doesn’t want to do.
Obscene or harassing telephone calls, text messages or e-mails.
Harassment or stalking. Hate or bias crimes.
Sexually explicit images of teens (child pornography).
Sexual exploitation.
Taking a photo of someone in a place where privacy is expected, such as a locker room.
Are there educational programs that can be introduced in our schools?
The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program is a comprehensive, school-wide program designed for use in elementary, middle or junior high schools. The program has been found to reduce bullying among children, improve the social climate of classrooms and reduce related antisocial behaviors, such as vandalism and truancy. The Olweus Program has been employed in more than a dozen countries around the world.
How to Stop Bullying and Harassment
Skills for Protecting Children, Teens, and Adults
Addressing Cyber Bullying:
Educate Yourself
Cyberbullying.org is an outstanding website full of information for both youth and adults, including help for the technologically challenged.
Discuss the Issue
Ask children and youth what they already know about cyber-bullying. You might be amazed at how much they can tell you. Ask if this has ever happened to them or anyone they know. Make sure that the young people in your life know that:
Cyber-bullying means using computers, cell phones, and other technology to hurt, scare, or embarrass other people. Cyber-bullying gets people in serious trouble at school and also with the law. In a growing number of places, certain forms of cyber-bullying are illegal.
Being mean is being mean, no matter how you do it. Don’t ask if it’s funny. Ask if it will make someone unhappy.
Even if you think someone was mean to you, being mean back is not a safe way to handle the problem. Instead, get help from an adult you trust.
Have the courage to speak up if you notice anyone cyber-bullying. Say that this is wrong and that you are not going to keep it a secret.
Never post anything on the Internet or send something electronically that you don’t want the world to see.
If you get an upsetting message or see something that is attacking you: Do not reply. Do not delete. Save the message, print it if you can and get help from an adult you trust. If one adult does not help you, keep asking until you get the help you need.
Be Clear About the Rules
The use of computers for anything except schoolwork is a privilege. The use of cell phones for anything except for emergencies and communication with parents is also a privilege. These privileges will be lost if they are used for unsafe or hurtful purposes. You expect your children to stay in charge of what they say and do, to tell you about problems, and to get your agreement in advance about any changes.
Be Involved
Spend time with young people so that you know what they are doing.
Be Careful
Unless this is within a secure system of people who know each other, such as a school, do not allow your children to post personal information or photos in an on-line friend’s community or chat group.
Give consequences
If your child cyber-bullies, have the child apologize and make amends. Give an appropriate related consequence, depending on what happened.
Provide Help
If your child is hurt by cyber-bullying, give the child emotional support by saying, “I am so sorry this is happening to you and so proud of you for having the courage to tell me. This is not your fault and we are going to do what we can to make it stop.” Ask for help from school authorities, your Internet provider or cell phone company, and, if necessary, the police.
Practice
Use ideas from the Speaking Up section in this chapter to define what cyber-bullying might look like, how to speak up, what a negative reaction might be, and what an effective response could be. Let children make up their own story to use for the practice. Switch roles with them.
For example, a friend might say, “I can’t stand Roger. Look, I got a photo of him going to the bathroom on the field trip. Let’s see how many people we can send this to.”
One way to speak up could be: “That’s cyber-bullying. It’s wrong.”
A common negative reaction to this boundary is, “But you have to admit that it would be funny.”
An effective response might be, “Even though Roger is not my favorite person, I don’t think it is funny to embarrass people. Besides, it is illegal.”
Face Bullying With Confidence
Skills Kids Can Use Right Away
By Irene van der Zande, Kidpower Executive Director
Bullying prevention skills are best learned through hands-on practice. The Kidpower approach is to use People Safety skills to help our students rehearse how to handle different problems such as bullying. The key is to coach students in a positive step-by-step fashion rather than making this a test. Here are some practices you can work on with the young people in your life.
1. Walking with Awareness, Calm, and Confidence
People are less likely to be picked on if they walk and sit with awareness, calm and confidence. Awareness, calm and confidence means keeping one's head up, back straight, taking assertive steps, looking around, having a peaceful face and body, and moving away from people who might cause trouble.
Show your child the difference between being passive, aggressive and assertive in body language, tone of voice and choice of words. Have your child walk across the floor, coaching her or him to be successful, by saying for example; "That's great!" "Now take bigger steps", "Look around you" "Straighten your back." etc.
2. Leaving in a Powerful, Positive Way
The best self-defense tactic is called "target denial," which means "don't be there." Act out a scenario where maybe your child is walking in the school corridor (or any other place where he or she might bullied). You can pretend to be a bully standing by the wall saying mean things. Ask your child what these mean things might be because what is considered insulting or upsetting is different for different people, times, and places.
Coach your child to veer around the bully in order to move out of reach. Remind your child to leave with awareness, calm and confidence, glancing back to see where the bully is. Let your child practicing saying something neutral in a normal tone of voice like "See you later!" or "Have a nice day!" while calmly and confidently moving away. Point out that stepping out of line or changing seats is often the safest choice.
3. Setting a Boundary
If a bully is following or threatening your child in a situation where she or he cannot just leave, your child needs to be able to set a clear boundary.
Pretend to poke your child in the back (do this very gently; the idea is not to be hurtful). Coach your child to turn, stand up tall, put his or her hands up in front of the body like a fence, palms out and open, and say "Stop!".
Coach your child to have a calm but clear voice and polite firm words- not whiney and not aggressive. Show how to do it and praise your child for trying -even though she or he does not get it right to begin with. Realize that this might be very hard and triggering for your child (and maybe for you too).
Children need support to learn these skills. The idea is that your child takes charge of his or her space by moving away and, if need be, setting boundaries as soon as a problem is about to start - so that your child doesn't wait until the bullying is already happening.
4. Using Your Voice
If your child does get into a situation where somebody is trying to push or hit or knuckle her or his head, you could practice by holding your child gently and acting as if you are going to do the action gently. Coach your child to pull away and yell NO! really loudly. Coach him or her to say "STOP! I don't like that!" Coach your child to look the bully in the eyes and speak in a firm voice with both hands up and in front like a fence. Teach your child to leave and go to an adult for help.
5. Protecting Your Feelings From Name-Calling
Schools, youth groups, and families should create harassment-free zones just as workplaces should. However, you can teach children how to protect themselves from insults. Tell your child that saying something mean back makes the problem bigger, not better.
One way to take the power out of hurting words by is saying them out loud and imagining throwing them away. Doing this physically and out loud at home will help a child to do this in his or her imagination at school.
Help your child practice throwing the mean things that other people are saying into a trash can. Have your child then say something positive out loud to himself or herself to take in. For example, if someone says, "I don't like you, " you can throw those words away and say, "I like myself." If someone says, "You are stupid" you can throw those words away and say, "I'm smart." If someone says, "I don't want to play with you" then you can throw those words away and say, "I will find another friend."
6. Speaking Up for Inclusion
Being left out is a major form of bullying. Exclusion should be clearly against the rules at school. A child can practice persisting in asking to join a game.
Pretend to be a bully who wants to exclude.
Have your child walk up and say, "I want to play." Coach your child to sound and look positive and friendly, not whiny or aggressive.
Ask your child the reasons that kids give for excluding him or her. Use those reasons so your child can practice persisting. For example, if the reason is, "You're not good enough," your child can practice saying "I'll get better if I practice!" If the reason is, "There are too many already," your child might practice saying, "There's always room for one more." If the reason is, "You cheated last time," your child might practice saying, "I did not understand the rules. Let's make sure we agree on the rules this time."
7. Being Persistent in Getting Help
Children who are being bullied need to be able to tell teachers, parents, and other adults in charge what is happening in the moment clearly and calmly and persistently even if these adults are very distracted or rude - and even if asking for help has not worked before. Learning how to have polite firm words, body language and tone of voice even under pressure and to not give up when asking for help is a life-long skill.
We have found that practice is helpful for both children and adults in learning how to persist and get help when you need it. Here is one you can do with your child.
Pretend to be a teacher or someone else who your child might expect help and support from. Tell your child who you are pretending to be and where you might be at school. Have your child start saying in a clear calm voice, "Excuse me I have a safety problem."
You pretend to be busy and just ignore your child! Coach him or her to keep going and say: "Excuse me, I really need your help."
Act irritated and impatient and say, "Yes. what is it now?" and keep being busy.
Coach your child to say something specific like, "The girls over there are calling me names and not letting me play with them. I have told them I don't like being called names and that I want to play but they won't listen. " or "Those boys keep coming up and pushing me. I have tried to stay away from them but they keep coming up to me and won't leave me alone." At school, teachers want children to try to solve their problems first. However, adult intervention is needed if this does not work.
You say: "That's nice!" as if you heard but did not actually listen. This is very common for busy adults.
Coach your child to touch your arm and keep going "Please, to listen to me this is important". Now you get irritated and say "Can't you see I’m busy!?"
Tell your child that sometimes adults get angry and don’t understand but not to give up in asking for help and to say the specific problem again: "I do not feel safe here because (state specific problem again) ______________."
You minimize and say: "What's the big deal? Just stay away from them."
Coach your child to persistent and say again, "Having this happen is making me feel bad about going to school. Please, I really need you to listen."
Now change your demeanor so that your child can see you are listening and understanding and say "Oh! I am sorry I yelled at you and I am glad you are telling me. Tell me more and we will figure out what to do."
Remind your child that, if the adult still does not listen, it is not his or her fault, but to keep asking until someone does something to fix the problem. Tell your child to please always tell you whenever she or he has a problem with anyone anywhere anytime. Ultimately, it is the responsibility of adults to create safe environments for the children in their lives and to be good role-models for our children by acting as their advocates in powerful respectful ways.
8. Using Physical Self-Defense as a Last Resort
Children need to know when they have the right to hurt someone to stop that person from hurting them. At Kidpower, we teach that fighting is a last resort - when you are about to be harmed and you cannot leave or get help.
However, bullying problems are often not as clear-cut as other personal safety issues. Families have different rules about where they draw the line. Schools will often punish a child who fights back unless parents warn the school in writing ahead of time that, since the school has not protected their children, they will back their children up if they have to fight.
Learning physical self defense helps most children become more confident, even if they never have to use these skills in a real-life situation. Just being more confident helps children to avoid being chosen as a victim most of the time. There are different self defense techniques for bullying than for more dangerous situations -- let your child practice a self defense move like kicking someone in the shins, pinching someone's leg or upper arm, or hitting someone in the chest. You can practice in the air or by holding a sofa cushion. Consider sending your child to a class!!!
Bullying and harassment can make life miserable no matter how old or young you are. When another person deliberately and repeatedly tries to be hurtful or to cross boundaries, children, teens, and adults everywhere often feel frustrated and hopeless about the problem.
As police officers we have a vast network of resources to draw upon when faced with the situation of cyber bullying. Besides contacting other officers and SRO's in our networks we have a vast on line resouce pool to dip into. I'll list a few of them here for your use, these can also be helpful when you are faced with making a presentation sheet or pamphlet for hand out to a class, group, or to concerned parents at meetings or if a parent approaches you with this subject either in your office or out in the firld. I make it a point now to carry a couple of copies in my " go bag", you never know when the need may arise and with today's attitudes in the department as to pro-active policing they are a great addition. As many of us on the job know not all Officers are created equal and some are " retired on the job" take the opportunity to give a couple of copies to our colleagues, a bit of motivation never hurts and who knows..maybe they'll get excited enough to get back into the ' swing of things' instead of just waiting to get vested for pension..!!
Websites of note:
www.kidpower.org
www.cyberbullying.ca
www.micheleborba.com/Pages/ArtNLM10.htm
www.incredibleinternet.com/user_files/cyberbullying_full.pdf
www.cyberbullying.us
www.safe.met.police.uk/bullying/get_the_facts.html
www.bgky.org › Departments > › Police
www.ctf-fce.ca/Documents/Priorities/EN/cyberbullying/CyberFacebook.pdf
www.bullying.org/external/documents/ACF6F8.pdf
www.wvcybersafety.com/page/Cyberbullying
www.kcsarc.org/nForProfessionals/CyberBullyingFacts.pdf
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