I'm in a goofy mood today so how about the SUNDAY FUNNIES!!!! Yup, JOKE TIME!!!!

June 07, 2009

On a hot summer day, a Redneck came into town with his dog. He tied the dog
under the shade of a tree and went into the bar for a cold beer.

About 20 minutes later a policeman came into the bar and asked who owned
the dog tied under the tree.

The redneck said that it was his.

The policeman said, "Your dog seems to be in heat."

The redneck replies, "No way dog's in heat she's cool kawse I got 'er tied
unner the shade tree."

The policeman says, "No! You don't understand your dog needs to be bred.

"No way," the redneck says, "dog don't need bread, she ain't hongry, kawse
I fed 'ER beef jerky this mornin'."

Now the policeman gets mad and yells out; "NO! You don't seem to
understand, your dog wants to have sex!"

The redneck looks at him with a long pause and says, "Go 'head. I always
wanted a police dog!"
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A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back
and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches "Can I help you sir?"

Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies. The cop asks "Where
was your car the last time you saw it?" It wasss on the end of thisshh
key" the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's
wiener is hanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He asks the man
"Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without
missing a beat, blurts out......... "I'll be damned----- My girlfriend's
gone, too!!!!!"
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Mick appeared on the Newfoundland version of 'Who wants To Be A
Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000.

"You've done very well so far," said the show's presenter, "but for
1Million dollars, you've only got one lifeline left, phone-a-friend.
Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?'

"Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!"
"OK. The question is, which of the following birds does NOT build it's own
nest ? a)Robin ( b)Sparrow (c)Cuckoo (d)Thrush."

"I hasn't got a clue," said Mick, "So I'll use me last lifeline and phone
my friend Paddy back home in Come-By-Chance."
Mick called up his mate, told him the circumstances and repeated the
question to him.
"Fawkin Ell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's just simple logic....it's a Cuckoo."
"Are ya sure, Paddy?" asked Mick.
"I'm fawkin sure" replied Paddy.
Mick hung up the phone and told the TV presenter, "I'll go with cuckoo as
me answer."
"Is that your final answer?" asked the host.
"Dat it is Sir."
There was a long, long pause, then the presenter screamed, "Cuckoo is the
correct answer! Mick, you've won $1,000,000.00!"

The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
"Tell me, Paddy? How in God's name did you know it was the cuckoo that
doesn't build its own nest? I mean you know fawk-all about birds."

"Fer fawks sake!" laughed Paddy. "Lord tunderin Jaezuz, everybody knows a
fawking cuckoo lives in a clock!"