MORE "LEO" LAUGHS and DUMB ASS LAWS ON THE BOOKS!!!!!

Conversation with a Policeman


Policeman: When I saw you coming around the corner, I said to myself,
'Fifty-five at least.'

Woman Driver: 'Well, you are a long way off! It's this hat that
makes me look so old.'

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Investigating A Homicide


A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman.

The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back.

The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman.

The detective responded, 'I think it's obvious. A cereal killer got her!'

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A salesman gave it up to become a policeman…


A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman.

Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.

“Well,” he replied, “the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong.”

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Arm On Fire


A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.
But it also lit up her arm, too!

Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.

A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.

When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, 'My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm.'

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DUMB ASS LAWS TO MAKE YOU LAUGH!!!!! They're STILL on the books!!!

Canada
30% of a radio stations output must be of "Canadian Content"
Alberta: It is illegal to set fire to the wooden leg of a wooden legged man
Alberta: Businesses must provide rails for tying up horses.
Alberta: It is against the law to use dice to play craps.
Alberta: Wooden logs may not be painted.
Beaconsfield: It's an offence to have more than two colours of paint on your house.
Beaconsfield: You may not own a log or paper marche cabin.
By law your parents or grandparents must have come from France, Scotland or Ireland.
Children must not be buried alive in snow deaper than six feet.
Citizens may not publicly remove bandages.
Cobourg: If you have a water trough in your front yard it must be filled by 5:00 a.m.
Etobicoke: No more than 3.5 inches of water is allowed in a bathtub.
Gananoque: Homeowners are responsible for clearing snow off of municipal sidewalks.
Guelph: It is illegal to urinate in the city.
It is against the law to make burgers out of polar bears.
It is illegal for clear or non-dark sodas to contain caffeine.
Kanata: The colour of house and garage doors is regulated by city bylaws.
Kanata: You must not repair your car in the street.
Montréal: "For Sale" signs are not permitted in the windows of moving vehicles.
Montréal: Cars parked in public places must be locked, and their windows must not be left down more than the width of a hand.


Montréal: Citizens may not urinate or spit on the street. Punishable by a fine of over 100 Canadian dollars.


Montréal: Stay at the Queen Elizabeth Hotel and they are obliged to feed your horse.


Montréal: You may not park a car in such a way that it is blocking your own driveway.


Montréal: You may not swear in French.
Montréal: You may not wash your car in the street.
New Brunswick: Driving on the roads is not allowed.
Nova Scotia It is illegal to water your lawn while it's raining.
Ontario: The speed limit is 80 kph for cars, but cyclists have the right of way.
Oshawa: It is illegal to climb trees.
Oshawa: Homeowners are responsible for clearing snow from municipal sidewalks. If sidewalks is not cleaned within 24 hours after a snowfall, city workers will clean it and the cost will be placed on the homeowners tax bill.


Ottawa: Children under the age of 5 must not be locked in a refrigerator.
Ottawa: It is illegal to eat ice-cream on Bank Street on a Sunday.
Quebec: All business signs in the province of Quebec must be in French. If the business operator wishes to have English on the sign, the French must be at least twice as large as the English is. There are no laws governing the usage of other languages on signs. -Bill 101 (Passed 1976)


Quebec: It is against the law to impersonate a foreigner.
Quebec: It is completely illegal to hit innocent little seal pups over the head with a heavy club - apart from on every day of the year.


Quebec: It is illegal to curse in any language other than French.
Toronto: It is against the law to swear at your mother in public.
Toronto: You must not drag a dead horse down Yonge Street on a Sunday.


Uxbridge: It is against the law to leave your doors and windows open if you are away from your house for more than one week.


Uxbridge: Residents are not allowed to have an Internet connection faster than 56k.


Wawa: Apples must be green.
Wawa: It is illegal to show affection in public on Sundays.
Wawa: You may not paint a ladder as it will be slippery when wet.
You may not pay for a fifty-cent item with only pennies.
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The U. S. of A. ( My neighbour's to the South!! ) :-)
Alabama
Bear wrestling fights are against the law.
Brewerton: The use of motor boats is forbidden on city streets.
Dominoes must not be played on a Sunday but can be eaten on any day.
Driving barefooted is against the law. Driving naked is okay.
Elephants must not be placed in electric ovens.
It is a criminal offence to call a policeman, "Shitface".
It is against the law to have an ice cream cone in your back pocket.
It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
It is illegal to impersonate a member of the clergy.
It is illegal to marry any animal that is not already a relation.
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ALASKA
Fairbanks: No moose is allowed to have sex (or even heavy petting on city streets.
Intentionally avoiding walking on the cracks in the pavement is illegal.
It is against the law to look at a moose from an airplane.
It is forbidden to push a moose out of a plane which is in motion.
Stealing snow from a neighbours garden to make a snowman is against the law. Using it for an igloo is acceptable.
Waking a bear for the purpose of taking photographs is strictly prohibited
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Arizona
Children are not allowed to sing nursery rhymes after 8 pm.
Cutting down a cactus can result in a 25 year prison sentence..
Donkeys must not be allowed to sleep in bathtubs.
Glendale: It is against the law for a car to reverse.
It is a criminal offence to have more than two dildos in your house. (Even if you have 6 wives.) ****!!!!
It is an offence to manufacture imitation cocaine.

Mohave County: Anyone caught stealing a soap, must wash himself with it, until it's all used up.
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Illinois
A baby girl must not be Christened 'Paddy'.
Believing in more than 3 gods is a criminal offence.
Carbondale: No one is permitted to stand on the sidewalk along the 500 block of Illinois Ave.
Chicago: Eating in a place that is on fire is against the law.
Cicero: Humming on public streets on Sundays prohibited.
Crete: It's illegal to have sex with a pet dog or canary.
Evanston: Unlawful to change clothes in an automobile with the curtains drawn, except in case of fire.
Hens that wish to cackle must be at least two hundred feet away from any residence if they wish to avoid being arrested.
In the Pullman it's illegal to drink beer out of a bucket while sitting on the curb.
It is against the law to speak English in Illinois.
It is illegal to drive a car without a steering wheel.
It is illegal to give a dog whisky - gin is okay.
It is the against the law for a woman to strike a man across the left cheek with a glove. (Right cheek is okay.)
Kenilworth: Roosters must be at least three hundred feet away from any residence if he wishes to crow.
Oblong: It is illegal to make love while fishing or hunting on your wedding day.
Urbana: No monster may enter the corporate limits.
Women must address bachelors as master instead of mister.
You can be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill in your possession.
Zion: A man can force any single woman to marry him is he discovers her picking her nose while sitting in a car at traffic lights.
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Massachusetts
All dogs are required to have their hind legs tied during the month of April.
Anyone who wishes to rob a bank must receive written permission from his doctor.
Boston: It's illegal to take a bath unless one has been ordered by a physician to do so.
Brockton: Any person need a license before they are permitted to enter a sewer.
By law candy must not contain more than 1% alcohol.
Christmas has been outlawed since 1659.
Cooling one's feet by hanging them out the window is forbidden.
False teeth must be removed during sex.
Fitchburg: Barbers are not allowed to carry combs in back of their ears.
Flowers must not be picked at midnight.
Goatees are illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public.
Holyoke: It is unlawful to water your lawn when it is raining.
It is against the law to misspell God.
It is forbidden to put tomatoes in clam chowder.
It is illegal to give beer to hospital patients.
It is unlawful to deliver diapers on Sunday, even in emergencies.
Law declares that peanuts may not be eaten in court.
Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
Salem: Even married couples are forbidden from sleeping nude in rented rooms.
Snoring is illegal unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.
Southbridge: It's illegal to read books or newspapers in the streets after 8 p.m.

Taxi drivers are prohibited from making love in the front seat of their taxi during their shifts.

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Montana
Bozeman: You must not perform any sexual acts in the front yard of any home, after sundown, or if you are nude.


Helena: A woman cannot dance on a saloon table unless her clothing weights more than three pounds, two ounces.
It is against the law to throw candy at the President after 4 pm.
It is illegal for a wife to open her husband’s mail.
It is illegal to pretend to abuse an animal in the presence of a child.
Laughing in public can result in a fine of more that $1000.
Prostitution is considered a “crime against the family”.
Seven or more Indians are considered a war party so it's legal to shoot them.
Ten or more Indians are considered a proper party so it's legal to join them and get stoned on beer and whisky.

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I'll be getting to all the States in time so keep watching for your's, but like the nice guy I am I just could not let this blog post close without a section for our good buddy in the Lonestar State, This is for you Ghostrider!!!!!:

Two Italian guys from N.J. driving through Texas …


Two Italian guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.

The driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, 'Why'd you do that?

The trooper says, 'You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready.'

Driver says, 'I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here.'

The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.

The passenger says, 'What'd you do that for?'

The cop says, 'Just making your wishes come true.' The passenger says, 'Huh?'

The cop says, 'I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, 'I wish that guy would've tried that crap with me!

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Until next time STAY SAFE, GET HOME AFTER EVERY SHIFT, and STAY LAUGHING!!!!